Would your friends date you?
Before we start dating someone, we already have a laundry list of qualities that we want in a significant other. The superficial lists consist of them to be handsome, honest, kind, God-fearing, hardworking, ambitious, physically fit, commutative and not crazy. We share what we want in that person with friends and family but do we even measure up to our wants and needs? So, I ask you this: "would your friend date you?"
That question has so much power in it. It openly explores your nature and examines if the very person that you call friend would date you if you were a man. Do the qualities and the way you conduct yourself result in them wanting to be in a committed relationship with you? Our friends, confidants, associates, and people we deem close to us can really share our true core. We tend to put on our best-selling face to people we're interested in dating. They tend to see our true selves with time and some are just able to grasp early on if someone is putting on.
Back in my single days, I had a group of lady friends that I enjoyed spending time with. We did practically everything together and our group consisted of different personalities. We had a "no holds bar go-getter friend Amber and a desperately do anything to get a man aka Sandra"…yes Sandra was part of that grouping, the supposedly shy girl (Michelle) the well-rounded guys best friend girl aka ME. Since we spent a lot of time with one another sharing stories and being in our truth, it was easy to see which personalities in your girlfriends you admire in the significant other.
I love Ambers ambitious nature to be successful at work and be a full-time mother. She was funny, gregarious, kind, confident, God fearing woman. Secretly I made her my mentor. Sandra, ooofffff…you were introduced to her several blog posts. Sandra did have her faults but at the time was caring, giving and loving. Her need to have a man clouded her judgment into doing very unspeakable things. Lastly, Michelle was the shy wallflower in the group. I on the other had was a girly girl that guys enjoyed being around due to my love of basketball & football.
We had a group dinner and the question was asked by me, "Which one of your friends would you date if you were a man." Sandra and I both choose Amber because she's an A-plus person. But, in your group of friends, the same question should be asked. Even how someone behaves as a friend opposed to partner may be a little different but are their core still desirable for you to date or even be with.
Let's face the hard truth. Your friends are devoted to you but if they could be openly honest without offense being taken, you would be surprised to what they really think of how you behave in relationships. Are you doing things in your relationships that make your friends cringe? When Sandra finds a new man, she quickly jumps the gun and wants to parade the relationship in front of her peers for approval. But instead of getting to know the other person, she goes straight to behaving like a person that been together for years.
She's doing wife type behavior instead of staying in the friend zone. I was guilty of that myself so I'm not persecuting her. I'm truly making an observation on how we females behave early on in a relationship. By the end of the first date, we're sharing the entire story with anyone that answers the phone or says Hello. I made sure during the time my husband and I were dating that no one knew about our relationship except one friend. I wanted to savor our relationship without the cheers of others and even people trying to pick it apart. There wasn't a mountain of pictures or post about us on social media. It was sacred to be and still remains that way.
I digress which happens from time to time but I always come back full circle. Because of Sandra's erratic and desperate behavior, I would hundred percent rule her out as a potential candidate if I was a man looking for Mrs. Right. We have to be careful about this "Looking" that we do. Our Heavenly Father has the appointed time, place and person that is destined to be our other half. Sandra's behavior also shed light on our friendship. Why would you surround yourself around a person when their character would rule them out as a potential mate?
We need to start being real and surrounding ourselves around people that truly magnifies our character and what God has in us. We cannot align ourselves with men nor females that doesn't mirror His image.
I can truly say I would be a great candidate to date, any one of my female friends if I was a man. But would I want too and which ones will be booted off first. That question is deep and goes through your inner core. And, exposes even unfruitful relationships in your life. I had a friend by the name of Caroline whom I did so many exciting things with. But, deep down…I knew that we were not kindred spirits. I admired her and wanted so much more for her that she wanted for herself. She has the potential to be a mighty woman if she truly removed deep wounded hurts of the past.
I had to ask myself the question that I'm asking you. When the answer was revealed, it was truly hard for me to let her go as a friend because I love her and love her still. When you truly love someone, the love will remain even though they may not be the best fit. The nature that I have and the nature that she had would not make a desirable pair. It's okay, to be honest, and allow God to remove things and people to bring you to where you need to be.
Being able to write this blog and share stories of personal challenges experienced and witnessed was done in hopes to disqualify people from doing the not so good antics. The journey may not be easy. But God is our foundation and He is more than able to support us through the good and through the bad times. Look for people in your life that reflects the God in you and you would never have to ask, " Would your girlfriend date you". Because you already would know the answer, as Heck Yea!!!!
If your friend has some of these traits and is unwilling to grow, it’s time to rethink the friendship:
Not willing to acknowledge faults in relationships
Speaks poorly of other friends
Always have a falling out with someone over petty things
Will do anything for attention
Has no code of conduct
Every relationship is a crash and burn but never a peaceful separation
Has a new bestie every few months
Prefers to hear about your shortcomings than success stories
Believe men should automatically take care of them
Fake spiritual, fake religious, fake churchgoers and contradicting beliefs