Seat filler relationships
Have you ever watched the Grammy's or any other type of award show? The space is always filled to capacity but the seats are not solely filled with celebrities. There is a term called seat fillers... these wonderful people randomly attend events and their main duty is to fill the seat to show the auditorium appears crowded. They sometimes hub knob with celebrities due to the close proximity. Seat fillers are not stationary fixtures but merely well-placed bodies to create the illusions of having a crowded room. Well ladies and gentlemen, seat fillers serve a place in relationships too.
When we're dating someone that is not our future spouse, we are seat fillers. Dating with a purpose, when that purpose is marriage, should be done like pursuing a job. When we're interested in a job or promotion, we do our due diligence in acquiring the right skills for the position. But sometimes, even preparing for the position will not land you the job. We merely chuck it up to, this wasn't the place for me or not at this time. The same concept can be said about a seat filler. Most enter a relationship in the hopes it will lead to marriage. Some of us will stay in a relationship for years, only to be left broken because we were seat fillers.
Some relationships that pass the four year mark, where people would think these individuals are slated to be married can turn out to be break-ups. My good friend Susana dated her former boyfriend for six years. They lived together and were perceived as the new age Ken and Barbie; even Ken and Barbie called it quits. When Quinn decided to end the relationship with Susana, I was shocked and hurt along with her. Susana was the typical girly girl. Her beautiful exterior was second to her queenly heart. Susana's parents and friends were all shocked because we expected them to get married . But God, he is always in control. Even though Susana was in a long committed relationship at the time with Quinn, God knew her true mate was not Quinn. Quinn was merely a seat filler for the love of her life and now husband Ace. God allowed the relationship to go on for years. During that time, Susana was morphing into the woman that God wanted her to be for her husband. He allowed Quinn to be a fixture in Susana's life to prepare her for her husband. Yes, the break-up was hard, but God made up for it with her husband and beautiful baby girl. God's plan for our life is better than anything we could imagine.
My other best friend Mary, married her high school sweetheart. The oooohhhh's and awwwwww's can be done later because they did not get married after high school. The story of Mary and Steph took a different path. While they were high school sweethearts, they ended up going their separate ways. Steph was in a long term relationship for years with a live-in girlfriend. Mary had ex-boyfriends that were not suited for her. Nearly a decade passed before they reconnected. God always planned for them to be each others forever. But they were not ready to make the commitment of marriage at 18. He allowed them to go through different life lessons and seat fillers. The relationship all lead back to where God wanted them to be, and that’s with each other. It was interesting that Steph was in a long term relationship but after a year of reconciling with Mary, he proposed. When God is in it, time spent apart means nothing. God’s time is different from ours. When you're a seat filler, the amount of years spent in a relationship does not warrant marriage. If that was the case, Steph would had proposed to ex-girlfriend. Unfortunately, she was merely a seat filler.
My husband was one of my closest friends before we were married. He was my confidant and sidekick. My friendship with him was always from a level of genuine friends with no “friends with benefits.” It was hard for other peers to understand our friendship and they always questioned it. God had His hands on us. If it was revealed before our growth and maturation, we may not have been able to sustain a healthy relationship/marriage. Being friends really allowed us to have a solid foundation. Many couples relationships are clouded by a sexual desire. This sometimes clouds our common sense. Corey and I talk on the phone for hours before and after marriage. All of us have been positioned as seat fillers for someone we once dated. Even though the relationship did not produce marriage, we learned valuable lessons. Even the painful relationships can produce fruits and maturity.