Hope Loves Sunshine
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I’m a collector of experiences and colorful stories created by friends and myself. I enjoy sharing those relationship stories for growth, self-awareness and to show others that we are all the same with certain uniqueness.

What would your ex say about you?

What would your ex say about you


When a relationship goes astray, we may wonder, “How could I have prevented this?” The end of a relationship can be devastating for many. We tend to poll our friends and family with the never-ending questions. We seek out sources that can help us make sense of the whole debacle. Trolling the Internet for magical answers that still keep us wondering. If we could have done it over, would we change anything? Even though we seek different answers from various places, the only person that is capable of answering these questions is your Ex.  "What would your Ex say about you?"

That answer may be a blow to your ego. Depending on how the relationship ended, speak to your Ex for the answers to your questions. I dated men that did not want a true commitment. It was frustrating because I worked hard on the relationships. I once dated Andrew, who was a single father. He appeared to be very interested in a relationship with me but things didn’t work out. Andrew had been divorced from his wife for at least five years when we met through a mutual friend. He was a loving devoted father to his son. I admired how caring he was, however, the devotion did not transfer to our relationship. Andrew started doing the disappearing act and calling once in a blue moon. I was left confused and polled my friends in an effort to see what I did wrong. The situation lasted for almost a year. I prayed about it and left it on the altar. When I was able to release the hurt and disappointment, I was able to get over Andrew and stop questioning what I did wrong.

About a year went by and Andrew contacted me to have a talk. I decided to meet with him at Starbucks. When I saw him, I knew I was completely over him…there were no feelings left. Andrew said, that I was a great woman but his heart was still longing for his ex-wife. He explained that I did nothing wrong in the relationship and that I was a good hearted person and that he felt bad for how he treated me. Of course, he wanted a second chance, but God had released me from that pain and I wasn't willing to sign up for that rerun. I was content in getting closure from a question mark relationship. He was kind enough to go through my attributes and explain how he would love to be in a relationship with a person like me. I was no longer left trying to figure out what went wrong. He had the perfect opportunity to list any faults that may have contributed to the end of our relationship. If you're bold enough to talk with several different people about your failed relationship, be bold enough to discuss it openly with the person with whom it didn't work. Would that person say…you were needy…annoying…selfish…boastful…rude etc.

If I encountered a former flame, they would not run the other way and dodge cars to get away from me. When I dated Abram, he was polite enough to tell me that the relationship didn't have any sparks. Oh yes, that immediately hurt my feelings but he did not lead me on in hopes of a relationship. Abram was truly a nice guy with great qualities and most of all, honest. I went on to date Jason, who at the time was working on a graduate degree. That relationship did not work either. Jason was arrogant but honest. I have a common theme going here, "Honesty." Jason and I were able to remain quasi-friends. Jason and I talked about the relationship and I was able to get the answers I needed. I was able to ask Jason about our relationship and why it did not work. He said, "There was nothing wrong with you and I was just not ready to be in a committed relationship with anyone. My main objective at the time was finishing school and getting a really good job." Jason said again, "There's nothing wrong with you." Of course, I kept thinking it was me and the relationships weren't working out because of me. But God was helping me with disappointment. HE truly knew why the relationships couldn't work. I was destined to be spiritually connected to someone He designed for me.

Past relationship can be the key to having the ultimate relationship. The best type of medicine sometimes comes from the very person or thing that delivered the pain. "What would your Ex say about you?"