The dreaded Mommy question
The dreaded mommy question
When two people unite by marriage, life together is now an open topic for discussion with family and friends. Meaning: which family are you spending the holidays with, when are you going to purchase a home, and one of the most intrusive questions… when are you guys planning to have kids? Breathe... we just said, "I do."
Some people are just making conversation when they ask this question, while others are purposely being intrusive. Please be sensitive about the questions you're asking and the level of comfort you have with the individual. You should always consider these potential reasons as to why a couple may not have kids.
Four reasons why asking a couple about kids may be intrusive: Four Reasons A Married Couple Faces When Asked, "When Are You Having Kids"
They may have difficulties conceiving a child. When couples are trying to get pregnant, it can be insensitive to ask them the "when are you guys going to have a baby" question. Couples may have to seek alternative ways to building their family like adoption or using a surrogate.
The couple may choose to not have kids. Whaaaaaaa??? Yes, some people do not want to have kids and it's okay. They may not feel the need to share or explain their reasons for making that decision — and that’s their right.
Couples may want to enjoy their relationship before having kids. We often hear that the first five years of marriage is difficult. So, if they choose to strengthen their relationship before including kids… that's great.
Finances play a big part in this decision, so if they aren’t financially ready to insert kids into the family dynamic, no explanation is needed.
How to respond to the dreaded question: "when are you guys going to have a baby?"
When the good Lord feels the need to bless us with kids. Even if you're not the religious type, this southern, polite, non-confrontational approach will be received well.
I don't think the world is ready for another Demi-God roaming on earth. A bit of humor puts people at ease without allowing them into your personal business. Oh my, I forgot to make this important call…I'll be right back.
Change the topic or kindly excuse yourself then stay away long enough to start having another conversation with someone else. Stay aloof if the individual comes back and is still persistent; if that happens, feel free to use responses #1 or #2.